November 8, 2005, 3 years ago....
As expected, I've done a lot of reflecting the past few days. For those of you that don't know, Abby was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia the day after my 27th birthday on Novemeber 8, 2005. She woke up again that morning and wasn't able to walk because of the horrible pain in her legs. I picked her up, ran into my room and told James that I was heading out the door with her to Des Moines and for him to listen for Hannah. I didn't take time to change her clothes, comb her hair, or brush her teeth. I simply grabbed her shoes and threw a coat on her.
See, on and off for six months we had taken Abby to the doctor's office. We had been told that she was having bowel problems, growing pains, had x-rays for broken bones, everything. As parents, James and I were incredibly frustrated and didn't know what to do. However, on this particular day, when I realized that the doctor himself was chasing us down in the parking lot.....well, it kind of put my nerves on edge a bit.
I was taken into a consultation room and one of the nurses took Abby to play with x-ray boards and stickers (I think she ended up with about 100 stickers out of the deal) and was given the blow that we were to have an appointment immediately with a Hemotologist/Oncologist and "where did I want to make the appointment? Iowa City or Blank? I looked at the doctor and said where would you take your child? So, Blank it was, and thus began our journey.
Dr. El-Dadah, the pediatrician, wouldn't tell me what he thought was wrong with her, but I already knew. See, a week before my birthday, I think it was around Halloween, the Marshalltown paper did an article on a little boy here in town that had been diagnosed with ALL, and one of his symptoms was severe bone pain. I remember turning and walking out of my office with tears in my eyes because at that moment I knew what was wrong with my little girl. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't the case, and she didn't hurt all the time, but I made up my mind that the next time she had a problem that the doctors would get to the bottom of it because I wasn't leaving until they could tell me 100% what was wrong with her. There would be NO GUESSING THIS TIME!
So, I called James, and told him that I needed him to get to Des Moines because wouldn't be coming home any time soon. Both of us were totally in denial (as any parent would be) and were sure we would get there and that there wouldn't be a problem. The nurses were great and kept Abby entertain and Dr El-dadah told me to go outside for a bit. I was not going to cry infront of my 3 year old and freak her out. I never will forget sitting in James's truck. It was a beautiful day for November in Iowa. The sky was as blue as could be with large puffy white clouds and I sat there looking at all the cars buzzing by on I-235. How could everything outside seem so normal, but our lives were flipped upside-down. Now, keep in mind, what I knew about Leukemia was from when I was a child and it was basically a death sentance. Survival rate was barely 20% then.
James and Hannah showed up in record time. Hannah appeared in her normal Hannah-self with eggs all in her hair and pajamas on. We arrived at Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Al-zein's office hoping to take Abby home because there had been a mistake somewhere. To our dismay, her initial blood results showed that she needed a transfusion immediatly and we were admitted to the hospital shortly after.
Honestly, here is where I get a little foggy. All this happened in one day. My birthday for the longest time was referred to in our house hold as the "last happy day". The next few were filled with terms, medications, percentages, protocols, research studies, people, doctor's, nurses, interns, residence, and much more that was so overwhelming that I can't even begin to remember it all. Lots of it felt like I was in a daze. You know how you remember bits of your dreams and when you think about what the scenary looked like, it's kind of foggy? Well, that's what that first little bit was like for me.
Today, 3 years ago, Abby had her double infusa port placed, a bone marrow aspiration (which showed 80% leukemia blast), and a spinal tap in which they with drew spinal fluid to examine and for research, and chemo therapy was place in my babies spine and circled her brain. James and I sat there at her bed side (I honestly can't remember at this point if Hannah was with my parents or James's mom) wishing that we could take it from her. How is life ever normal again???
To get to the caffeteria at the hospital, we had to go past the chappel. I found myself in there a lot. One of those days, I knelt down and honestly I just didn't have anything else I could say. I felt that I had prayed everything there was to pray. I remembered at that moment, that it's ok to feel that way because that is when the Holy Spirit takes over and I thought about a song that I would like to share. It's helped me on many occasions. It's called "Life is Hard, but God is Good." I've sang this song on many occasions for specials at different churches, but I never knew that it's message would end up hitting me so deeply.
You turn the key Then close the door behind you Drop your bags on the floor You reach for the light But there's darkness deep inside And you can't take it anymore 'Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you And sometimes living is all you can do Life is hard, the world is cold We're barely young and then we're old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good You start to cry 'Cause you've been strong for so long And that's not how you feel You try to pray But there's nothing left to say So you just quietly kneel In the silence of all that you face God will give you His mercy and grace Jesus never said It was an easy road to travel He only said that you would never be alone So when your last thread of hope Begins to come unraveled Don't give up, He walks beside you On this journey home and He knows Life is hard, the world is cold We're barely young and then we're old But every falling tear is always understood Yes, life is hard, but God is good
So, now on to the GREAT PART. 3 years later, Abby's 9 month check up after finishing chemotherapy landed on my 30th Birthday!!! Not only do we still have our beautiful baby girl, but all blood work checked out wonderful, and she is A-OK! ANC is still slowly coming up, but right where the Dr's want it! Please continue to pray for her. Your prayers have meant so much to us and I know that it made all the difference in her road to recovery. Thank you all so much, again, for your support, phone calls, letters, gifts, and friendship!
Sincerely,
Carrie
P.S. Please continue to remember the Daters family in your prayers. Please pray that RC and his brother remain healthy as they will begin prep for RC's bonemarrow transplant very soon. Please pray for his complete recovery.
Also, continue to remember Brooklyn Durham and her family in your prayers as well. Please pray for a miracle.
*****NEW PICS IN THE PHOTO ALBUM*****
